Return to Innocence Lost
by SoldierG65434-2
Summary: The events of a person's life make them who they are, for better or for worse.


**DISCLAIMER:** The rights to all copyrighted material mention henceforth in this document are owned by their respective owners.

The was written for the Angst Challenge on BleachAsylum's YoruSoi FC. The chosen theme was rape.

The title comes from the Ursala Rucker poem "The Return to Innocence Lost," fromt The Roots album "Things Fall Apart."

**THIS FIC CONTAINS MATURE THEMES AND NON-EXPLICIT RAPE. PLEASE, FOR MY CONSICOUS'S SAKE, DON'T READ THIS IF YOU ARE UNDER 18.**

This is bar-none the most depressing thing I've ever written and I still feel a little queasy from writing it.

* * *

"Koneko" is Japanese for "kitten."

The sun was just beginning to rise on the Seireitei. The cool air of the morning had not yet been heated by the sun and there was still a thin layer of dew over everything, making the wooden floors slick.

Ichirou Shihoin strode confidently down the causeway around the Onmitsukido training ground. His white haori trailing behind him, fluttering in the breeze created by the man's pace. Even though he was not a Captain of the Gotie 13, he still wore a white haori to signify his rank, only his bore the insignia of the Onmitsukido rather than a Division number.

Ichirou was a tall man of a strong build. His dark skin a deep purple hair made him stand out amongst the fair, dark haired men that were common. A career soldier, just like his father's before him, Ichirou took up his father's mantel as Commander-in-Chief of the Onmitsukido after he became too old for adequate service. He was a jovial man and a doting father, commanding the respect and adoration of those under him.

To Ichirou's right, walking slightly behind him was his Lieutenant, Takumi Sato. Takumi was a head shorter than his captain, but compensated for his lack of high with muscle. His short, brown hair was shaggy from lack of upkeep, though his beard was maintained with a surprising amount of care.

Both men were so caught up in their discussion of the days itinerary that they failed to notice that a young girl was following them, albeit struggling to keep up with their pace.

Ichirou stopped to look over a paper that Takumi handed him, only to feel something bump into him. Turning around, he saw his daughter sitting on the ground, rubbing her nose gently.

Yoruichi Shihoin took after her father in almost every way other than gender. Her caramel toned skin was striking and her topaz eyes were ensnaring. She was still young, appearing to be about sixteen on a mortal timeline, yet she had started to develop early and already had a more defined figure than most other girls her age.

"What are you doing here, koneko?" Ichirou helped his daughter up, ruffling her short hair gently as he did so. Ichirou made his daughter cut her hair upon entering military service, much to her displeasure. "Shouldn't you be out training with the rest of your squad?"

"They're just doing more shunpo training today." Yoruichi looked up to her father. "I'm miles ahead of everyone, thanks to you."

"That's no excuse to neglect your duty." Takumi said angrily.

"Now, now," Ichirou waved. "There's no need for that tone. I'll find out what she missed and drill her in it personally this evening, after she finished her patrol." Ichirou shot a parental look at his daughter, who was frowning at the thought of going on patrol.

"Taicho," Takumi and Ichirou turned their backs to Yoruichi. "Are you sure it's wise to show Yoruichi-_dono_," The fact that Takumi had to refer to a little girl that was so low in rank with such a honorific made his stomach turn, "such preferential treatment?"

"She's my daughter," Ichirou replied. "It would be impossible for me to treat her like just an ordinary soldier."

"But still, Taicho, you're setting a precedent…" Takumi reasoned.

"Enough." Ichirou cut him off. "I would not abide her lackadaisical attitude if I though it truly harmful. I know for a fact that she is leaps and bound head of any second year member in shunpo. Let me raise my daughter and run my Division." Ichirou ended angrily. He turned back around to find Yoruichi with her head resting on her arms on the railing, watching the troops train.

"When will I get to be in charge of all this?" Yoruichi asked in a half whine. She wasn't particularly fond of taking orders.

"Get?" Ichirou laughed. "The command of the Onmitsukido is not your birthright. It is a privilege you must earn!"

"But how much longer until I earn it?" Yoruichi asked. "My squad leader is always shouting at me. I don't like it." Takumi smirked at that last remark. He had ordered Yoruichi's squad leader to be extra hard on her.

"It all depends on how diligently you train, koneko." Ichirou smiled. Takumi cringed at Ichirou's pet name for his daughter.

"Sir, the report." Takumi interrupted.

"Ah, yes." Ichirou turned his attention back to the paper in his hand. Yoruichi returned her's to the training men in front of her.

"Why aren't there any girls in the Onmitsukido other than me?" Yoruichi asked after a while. She didn't dwell on the fact that it was rather odd for a young woman to complain about an overabundance of men in peak physical condition.

"Believe it or not," Ichirou replied somewhat sarcastically, "Military service is not that attractive of a prospect for most women. The few women who do enlist almost always apply or transfer to the Fourth." Ichirou turned to his daughter. "But hopefully, when they see such a strong a beautiful woman as head of the fearsome Onmitsukido, that will change and women will be flooding in. Now, run along and join up with the rest of your squad." Yoruichi smiled to her father and ran off.

"Here," Ichirou handed the now signed document to Takumi. "Take this to Unohana-taicho and tell her that I promise her to make sure that my men will be much more appreciative of her aid in the future."

"Yes, Taicho." Takumi bowed and left. Though his face was calm, he was seething internally.

It just wasn't fair. _He_ had served with Ichirou for over a century now. _He_ had risked his life following that man's orders. _He_ had trained night in day for the Shihoin patriarch's recognition. And now, just because that girl had a certain last name, she was a shoe-in for the position that was rightfully _his_.

Takumi would be damned before he let the Onmitsukido fall into the hands of a woman, and doubly if that woman was a certain spoiled brat that he despised.

* * *

"Takumi-fukutaicho!" The prison guard saluted Takumi as he approached. With a bow, the guard opened up the door and allowed Takumi to pass.

There were two main holding areas for criminals within the Seireitei. The most well known was the Maggot's Nest. That was where those who were potential threats to the Sereitei were housed preemptively.

The other was a small prison within the Onmitsukido compound. This was where most criminals spent their time awaiting, trial, sentencing, transfer, or execution.

Takumi took the manifest from the warden and flipped through it. Takumi made note of the cell number and handed the manifest back to the warden. He walked through the rows and rows of cells, doing his best to ignore the hands that were reaching though the bars for him and the forlorn wails for food and water.

After some time, Takumi finally came to the cell he was looking for. Inside sat two men. One was rather fat and bald, and the other had long dark hair and a gaunt, wiry frame. According to the manifest, both were formerly of the Eleventh Division.

"Well, if it isn't Takumi-_fukutaicho_." The gaunt man said irreverently from his sitting position in the corner of the cell. "Central 46 finally figure out what to do with us?"

"No," Takumi responded, a little perturbed by the man's lack of respect. "Your trial isn't for another three years."

"Then why are you bothering us?" The fat man asked. "We ain't done anything wrong since we got here!"

"Actually I have a proposition for you that makes use of your…talents…and may just save your necks." The two men looked at each other in silent conference. Then, the gaunt man turned to Takumi.

"We're listening." The gaunt man smiled sinisterly.

* * *

Yoruichi pushed the shoji to Takumi's office to the side and stepped within. The Lieutenant was sitting behind his desk.

"You sent for me, Fukutaicho?" Yoruichi asked.

"Yes, I'm glad you came at such short notice." Takumi looked up from his papers. "We've received reports of suspicious activities from one of the residents of District 40 of East Rukongai. She seemed rather shaken up and refused to say anything more until we sent someone to talk to her in person. I want you to go there and question her. Find out what's the matter."

"Isn't this something better suited for one of the new recruits?" Yoruichi asked flippantly, ignoring the fact that she was only on her second year.

"One of duties of a soldier is to obey the orders of their superiors." Takumi did his best to control his anger. "Besides, this is an excellent opportunity for you to gain some experience." Takumi almost sniggered. "Do you want me to tell your father that disobeyed a direct order just so you could slack off?"

"No," Yoruichi huffed, crossing her arms.

"Good," Takumi rose and approached Yoruichi. "Here is the address of the woman you need to question. Find out as much as you can. She seemed rather disturbed in the letter she sent us."

"Yes, fukutaicho." Yoruichi sighed.

"Oh, and leave your Zanpakutou in your quarters." Takumi said before she left. "This lady is already scared. You don't need to cause any more trouble by showing up armed to the teeth."

* * *

Yoruichi walked the streets of the fortieth district of East Rukongai. It was in that intermediate stage between law and order, with building that were only in minor disrepair.

Yoruichi took a drink from a nearby fountain. It was noon and the standard Onmitsukido uniform was only intensifying the hot sun.

Yoruichi rounded the corner to the next block and found the address she was looking for. The building looked abandoned, but it could very well be that the resident chose not to maintain it properly.

"Hello!" Yoruichi stepped inside and looked around. There were no signs of life and dust hung in the air. "Onmitsukido! You have information about suspicious activity?" There was no response. Frowning, Yoruichi walked deeper into the building.

"Is anyone her…!" As Yoruichi rounded a corner, a large, heavy fist collided with her chest, knocking the air out of her lungs and sending her staggering. While Yoruichi struggled to regain herself, she set upon by two men. One, what felt like a fat man, came up behind her had pinned her arms to her back and placed a hand over her mouth. The other, a spindly man with a sunken face, walked towards her brandishing a knife.

"He wasn't kidding!" The gaunt man smiled, licking the dull side of his knife. "You noble girls are really something else. It must be all that premo grub that they got for you." Yoruichi struggled against the man pinning her arms, but he was just too strong. Laughing maniacally at her inept struggle, the gaunt man walked up to her and cut the fabric of her top with his knife. Yoruichi let out a scream reflexively as the fabric was split and torn off of her.

"Wow!" The gaunt man breathed. Slowly, we ran the cool steel of the knife over the flesh of Yoruichi's now exposed breast. Yoruichi's heart pounded and her breaths came in shallow bursts. "No, no," The gaunt men withdrew the knife. "They're just too plain nice for that." He sheathed the knife and took a breast in each hand, squeezing them roughly. Yoruichi couldn't stop the hot tears from falling from her eyes as she screamed into the fat man's hand and struggled against him in vain.

"What to think we should do with her?" The fat man asked rhetorically.

"I hear this little lady likes to play in the man's world." The gaunt man replied, still enjoying the feeling of Yoruichi's soft breasts in his hands. "I say we show her just what that world is like." The gaunt man unsheathed the knife again and pressed the blade against the belt of her pants.

Frantically, Yoruichi began to kick and scream in a desperate attempt to break free or get someone's attention.

"Hold her legs!" The gaunt man ordered and he cut away the belt and began to pull off Yoruichi's pants, in spite of her desprite kicks…

* * *

"NO! STOP! SOMEONE HELP! PLEASE!" Yoruichi thrashed and struggled against the person on top of her, screaming at the top of her lungs. In her flailing, Yoruichi managed to hit to her assailant in the eye and knock them off of her.

Soifon was sent tumbling of the bed. Her eye sore, Soifon looked at Yoruichi in utter confusion.

Yoruichi drew the sheets of the bed around her and curled up under them defensively. Her breath was rabid, on the brink of hyperventilation, and her pupils were almost completely dilated.

Yoruichi's breath started to calm and she began to look around at her surroundings. She wasn't in that abandoned building in East Rukongai and those men weren't violating her. She was in Soifon's quarters and she had been in bed with her.

Yoruichi's rapid breaths quickly became wracked sobs as she began to cry uncontrollably.

Most militaries train their soldiers to invent an alter ego in the event that they are captured. That way, any torture of other harsh treatment that takes place happens to the invented persona, not the soldier.

That's what Yoruichi did when she was assaulted by those men so long ago. She was not aware that she was doing so and that she made a mistake.

She buried the memory of the rape and her real personality under her invented persona.

When Yoruichi woke up the next morning after sneaking back into her quarters in makes-shift clothes made form rags and blankets and cleaned herself up, she was a completely different person. She no longer skipped her training, she followed every order to the letter, and she no longer asked her father for special favors.

Yoruichi trained night and day to become stronger, faster, and better than everyone. She also took on an air of domineering sexuality. This intimidated the men around her and effectively put an end to the ceaseless sexual advancement that she had to put up with daily.

Nobody though the abrupt change in personality was strange. Ichirou just though his daughter was finally "knuckling down."

When Ichirou retired, Yoruichi was already more than qualified to fill his shoes. Nobody was aware that the Yoruichi that everyone came to respect and love was an elaborate coping mechanism.

Yoruichi was a ruthlessly effective Commander that commanded the respect of all those under her. She integrated the Second Division and the Onmitsukido and initiated a Seireitei wide background check of all Shingami in an effort to weed out "undesirable."

This new Yoruichi had never been sexually assaulted. She never told Kukaku, or Urahara, or Soifon about the attack because to her, it never happened.

It wasn't until Yoruichi's first act of consensual sex that the suppressed memories came back to the surface.

Soifon had no idea what to do or even think as she watched Yoruichi bawl and wail uncontrollably. Completely at a loose, Soifon made a move to hug Yoruichi, to comfort her. Yoruichi shrank away from the touch at first, but after realizing who it came from, she buried her head in Soifon's should and clung to her for protection.

Soifon held Yoruichi and stroked her hair gently. She had no idea what was going on, only that Yoruichi was in grave distress and that she felt compelled to comfort her. Soifon would ask later. For now she just let Yoruichi cry on her shoulder, shedding the tears that returned her to innocence lost.


End file.
